from Kyoto to Assisi
I was returning a book to the library last week that I hadn’t really gotten around to exploring. On the way, I opened it to this quote, attributed to St. Francis of Assisi:
The one you are looking for is the one who is looking.
It’s a good one, isn’t it? If you keep saying it over to yourself, it’s like one of those optical illusions where at first it looks like a frog, then like a horse’s head, then like a frog…
As you probably know, in the Zen tradition a phrase like that is called a “koan”. It’s meant to befuddle the rational mind so that you can get a glimpse beyond the veil for just an instant while it’s muttering to itself. Beyond that veil of the mind is Mind – the part of you that knows without words.
I had some moments like that as a child of maybe 8 or 9. I would lie in bed at night thinking about something incomprehensible – the endlessness of the universe – and then this moment of Knowing would occur and would leave me in a state of wonder and awe. I tried it a few more times on subsequent nights and got there again once or twice. I remember thinking how great it would be if I could get to that place and stay there. I’ve thought sometimes in my adult life that I knew more as a child than I’ve ever known since.
So Francis’ quote became my jumping off place for this week’s Sunday evening service. I did some poking around for other readings and stories that resonated with it. I found a story from Japanese Buddhist teacher Dōgen Zenji who coincidentally lived at the same time as Francis, who would have been about 18 when Dōgen was born. They were 6,000 miles apart physically, but spiritually you could say they were in the same room together.
Here’s Dōgen’s story:
Zen Master Xuanze was once a student of Master Fayan.
Once Xuanze was appointed as director in the assembly of Fayan.
One day Fayan said, “How many years have you been here?”
Xuanze replied, “I have already been in the teacher’s assembly for three years.”
Fayan said, “You are a student, so why don’t you ever ask me about Dharma?”
Xuanze said, “I don’t want to mislead you. When I studied with Quingfeng, I attained the peaceful bliss, so I don’t feel that I need to come and talk to you.”
Fayan asked, “Through which words were you able to enter that bliss?”
Xuanze responded, “I once asked Quingfeng, ‘What is the self of the student [i.e., my own self]?’
Quingfeng said, ‘The fire boy comes seeking fire.’”
Fayan said, “Good words, only I am afraid that you did not understand them.”
Xuanze explained, “The fire boy belongs to fire. Already fire but still seeking fire is just like being Self and still seeking Self.”
Fayan exclaimed, “Now I really know that you do not understand.
If Buddha Dharma was that simple it would not have lasted till today!”
Xuanze was greatly upset by this and indignantly stood up and left.
But on his way he thought, “He is the guiding teacher of five hundred people. He must have some good reason for pointing out my error.”
So he turned back and approached Fayen.
Bowing, he apologized, “I am very sorry that I got up and left.”
Fayan said, “You should ask me the question.”
Xuanze asked, “What is the self of the student?”
Fayan said, “The fire boy comes seeking fire.”
At that, Xuanze experienced great awakening.
The point is the intellect is never going to get it. Sorry. He’s the fish who keeps complaining that he’s thirsty. The one who is trying so hard to know is never going to know the Knower.
Okay, I’m getting dizzy…
Here’s to all of us “getting it,” sooner rather than later.
Blessings,
Roger